Sunny with a Chance of Sprinkles

In my last post I alluded to the fact that I would be turning 30 in a few months.  This feels huge to me, whether or not it should.  In fact, I remember being gripped with fear over turning 30 when I was 25.  Clearly, I have dramatic tendencies.  Anyway, over the past couple of years I have often found myself shocked to find that people that I knew that seemed so grown up and mature were actually younger than me.  It wasn’t the way they looked, but the way they carried themselves and crafted their lives that gave them this adult-like presence.  Meanwhile, I’ve been in this weird not-quite-a-college-student-but-not-really-an-adult phase. 

So, I’ve been thinking about the characteristics that these “role models” of mine have that make them seem so grown up.  It seems to me that grown ups tend to:

1. Decorate and make their homes nice-looking
2. Cook real meals
3. Have wide-spread networks of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances
4. Exercise
5. Be well-groomed and nicely dressed (I really don’t think it would hurt me to pluck my eyebrows before they reached caveman status)
6. Whine less so that they can spend more time getting things done
7. Be friendly

I wonder if adopting these traits would make me carry myself differently.

Now, I realize that these “models of adulthood” aren’t perfect.  And I don’t expect perfection from myself.  But I do expect myself to try a little harder because I’m not a college student anymore.  I haven’t been for a really, really long time.  And it’s time for me to finally step up.

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Hello, there, little blog.  I’ve missed you. 

After a weekend away to visit one of my best friends I’m feeling inspired.  I’d like to spend more time cooking, baking, reading, and crafting.  And I think I’d like to write about my attempts at these things. 

Plus, I’m feeling excited about a big birthday I’ll be celebrating in a few months.  I’d like to pull myself together a little bit more before this milestone.  I think I’d like to write about my attempt at this, as well.

So, I think I’m back again.  I’m excited to write more soon.  Keep in touch?

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We are all cups, constantly and quietly being filled.
The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.
–Ray Bradbury

When I first began blogging a few years back, I did so with the intention of creating a space where I could openly share those things that were on my mind.  I remember writing about how, although I wasn’t the greatest writer, I was an honest one.

Since then, I’ve noticed myself shying away from that kind of expression.  I was afraid of hurting people and creating problems by sharing my thoughts with others.  I closed myself off from others in a lot of ways to protect myself from situations that caused me pain.  I didn’t want to think about them, much less talk about them.

But this action of closing myself off did more harm than good.  I could feel myself becoming quieter and unsure of myself.  I wasn’t just holding back the negatives;  I was holding back everything, even the good and inspiring things I felt and experienced.

It’s not easy, but I want to start writing authentically again.  Maybe in doing this I can relearn how to share my stories with others and get back to being me.

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