Sunny with a Chance of Sprinkles

There are so many reasons that I find January to be a depressing month.  It’s cold.  It’s dark.  It’s post-holiday.  You get the idea.  But I have felt so happy the past couple of days to finally be out of the January blahs.  In February I start to get my motivation back and generally have a much sunnier outlook on everything.

The past few days or so I’ve been thinking about the resolutions I set for myself at the beginning of the year.  I haven’t done a lot with them.  Yet.  I’m not disappointed.  I knew this would happen, given the sluggishness I feel at the beginning of the year.  Going into the new year, I knew February would be a much better month to start putting my resolutions into practice. 

However, I know that I have to take things one step at a time.  I am one of those people who is constantly plagued by grand plans.  And I have so many things that I’d like to work on that if I try to do it all now, I’ll become so overwhelmed that I’ll throw in the towel on everything.  This year, much like last year, I’m choosing to focus on one thing at a time to hopefully create long lasting habits.

In addition to creating some healthier habits, I’ve also been thinking about ways that I can change my general attitude.  This began with deciding to read Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman, which helped me a lot in challenging my pessimistic thought processes.  (Although, I have to admit, that I’m still really, really, really working on that one.)  In addition, to being more optimistic, I’m choosing to say “yes” more, lighten up A LOT, and put more effort into being a better conversationalist. 

I’m hoping that focusing on these things over the next several months will make me feel happier and healthier, and that starting in February, with the increasing sunshine and warmer temperatures, will help me stay motivated.

It’s weird.  I’ve been really excited about getting back into writing on here.  I’ve written quite a few posts in my head and even logged on a few times.  But every time I sit down to write something, I’m overcome with nervousness and choose to browse Facebook or Pinterest instead.  Even now, I’m feeling extremely anxious and seriously considering calling off the whole thing.  Is there such a thing as “blog fright?”

Anyway, tonight I told myself that I was just going to sit down and write.  And here I am.

A few weeks ago one of my friends told me that my blog didn’t really have a focus, which is true.  I think that’s part of why I’ve been having a hard time writing.  I know what I wanted this blog to be when I started but things have changed, and I’m not sure that’s what I want it to be anymore. 

Personally, I’ve been really focusing on putting myself back together.  Stemming from that, I think I want this blog to be a place where I can talk about how I’m cultivating happiness in my life.  Instead of spending a lot of time talking about recipes and whatnot, I plan to write more about how I’m trying to re-kick start my habit forming resolution and retraining my brain toward optimism, in addition to other things that make me feel a little more light.  Aside from those things, I want to have the freedom to write about whatever–even if that means breaking my “focus” every once in awhile. 

Hopefully redefining what I’m doing on here will make writing less scary and help keep my outlook more positive.

This post about turning 30 from a blog I read really resonated with me.  I’m not quite 30 yet, but I totally get and love the writer’s message.  I’ve decided to link to it here because I found it inspiring and want to be able to refer back to it as needed.

My 10 year high school reunion is taking place next weekend.  This creates many different types of emotions for me:  excitement (Who will be there?!  What will it be like?!), disbelief (There is no way it has been 10 years!  Lies!), and stress (What if I don’t know how to act?  What if I’m having a breakout or bad hair day?!  AH!), among other emotions. 

Yet, thinking about where I was 10 years ago and where I am now, I find myself reflecting on the things I’ve learned over the past decade.  And since I love list-style blog entries so much, I thought this would be great opportunity to the kind of writing I like best. 

Here is my list of things I didn’t know 10 years ago when I graduated high school:

• Laundry is not that complicated.
• I really don’t like ice cream very much.
• Everybody struggles with something (this was a major epiphany), some people are just better at coping with their struggles than others.
• I am much better suited for teaching than I ever would have been for taking care of sick people.
• “Bad boys” are lame.
• Perfume should be worn everyday.  Saving it for special occasions is absurd.  (Side note:  This is not true for all people but is definitely true for me.)
• Coffee is amazing for its powers to be both stimulating and soothing…oh, and delicious, too.
• Washington is my favorite place to be.  I’m not sure if I will ever have the opportunity to live there again, but it’s nice to know that I will always have friends there who will take me in whenever I need to visit.
• You are never too young to fall in love–BUT sometimes dependence, intense attraction, trying to live up to certain standards, and other things can disguise themselves as love.  It’s important to know the difference.
• Cooking is the best way that I know to clear my mind and truly be in the moment.
• You never regret a workout.
• Finally, things get hard and then they get good again and then they get wonderful and then they plummet back to hard.  This is normal.  But you have to talk about it to people you trust (something I have to relearn EVERY time I deal with the hard) and you have to turn the lessons you learn into a strength.  It will always get good again if you give it time.

I really love listening to this song lately.

It’s one of those songs to which I have a visceral reaction.  It speaks to my moody, broody side and I find myself thinking, “So true, so true” as I bop my head to the radio.

As I listened to it today, however, I found that I had a disagreement with it.  As the music blared over the radio —Life’s too short to even care at all— I found myself thinking, “But that’s exactly why we do care.  Because it is so short.”

In order to feel better I try to tell myself that all of the things I want don’t matter.  I find projects to work on and ways to stay busy to take my mind off those things.  But they do, in fact, really matter.  They mean everything.

This is why it hurts like hell to realize that the things that matter are moving in reverse or that you don’t register on anyone’s radar or that you might be in this alone.

It would be easier to not care, but the fact that I do is always bubbling under the surface.  I don’t know how to stop.